okays..today was the first official practice for the ff project.woooohoooos there was like really a stark change in the basses.hahaha.valmond came back.then rayner, hongsheng and danny joined us.wheeee.damn fun.hahahaha.and nelson had a sort of audition for possible reallocation of sections.hahah.i ended up as a bass 2/ possible alto 2.hahahah.coolness.
okays.so after prac we FINALLY went to a proper drinking place to hang out.hahaha.we went down to harry's @ esplanade.i think most of the rationale for everyone agreeing to go down there was cuz beer garden looked like it was blasted by some atomic bomb.hahaha.oh wells apparently the renovations are scheduled to end on 15 march.haha.after which i think we'll probably be condemned to hang out there again.boohoo.
oh well.so anyway i had 6 bottles of beer.hahaha.it's been quite long since i've drank so much.so yeah this sort of substantiates the title of the damn post.
i'm pretty tired after this long.okay it's nothing to do with some kind of scandalous confession or anything so sorry to disappoint you if you're looking forward to something like that.hahaha.it's more on a personal level.hahah.
i guess i've been spending the last 2 years trying to understand and evaluate myself more.hahah.i need to express myself i think.hahaha.i've been bottling stuff up for the longest time.stuff being my evaluation of myself.hahahah.
im really quite a quiet person.im introverted.there's more to me than my 'high' self.actually im not the type to express myself.i've developed this other persona of the darn laughing maniac to prevent myself from emoing i guess.going back to the damn foundation of it all, im pretty much an emo wreck.i have a million thoughts running through my frigging mind all the time.they're all the what.ifs.i drink a lot.more or less to stop myself from thinking a frigging lot.hah.
i dont know how to verbalise my frame of mind.
i always remind myself.my ideal concept of an afterlife is a parallel universe of complete pitch-black darkness.in which an essence of myself exists.somewhat like an eternal presence in a universe of darkness.thinking for an eternity.thinking of all the what.ifs.thinking.thinking.melancholic.darkness.darkness all around.
this is my great expose.i am, at the most basic, dreaming of that eternity of darkness and melancholy.of what.ifs.
this isnt something that i'll share here if im completely sober.nobody ever knows what i am under it all.hah.oh well.im not just all laughs.
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